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Notes - Email - Serious Rings - Fun Rings The Lighted Path - Design - Host |
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And He is. This song has drawn me since I first heard it, but I think it was only tonight that I began to grasp why. The things that drew me to Paganism were many and varied, but I think the biggest was the fact that the idea of God as a Father figure was nothing if not painful to me. My own father was nothing but a ghost in my life for the important years, and my mother's choices in replacements left much to be desired. As much as I got a good, Christian foundation when I was very young, and so developed my conscience, I was truely lost. I never met a truely good "dad" in all those years, that I can remember. Now, of course, I see what I was missing, but then I was just a child. When I was exposed to Wicca, and indeed to most of Paganism, I was very drawn to the idea of the goddess. The idea of leraning from a wonderful mother wasn't forgeign to me, since I knew so many. But honestly, I even lacked that in my life. So we come to the song. Things happened in my life that I, as a child, had no control over. And He watched over me. I could have died, or much worse. I could have become a creature with no conscience. I could have become the evil that was in my step-father. Or the overly co-dependant child, the victim that was my mother. I could have allowed the cycle to continue. Any of these things could have been. Any of them could have happened. And the enemy was always there, whispering in my ear, or if not mine, then his. I remember many times of the abuse, and many nights waking up to hear my mother and him fighting about me. I had the chance once to escape, but my mother asked me to come back, and I did. Anyway, to the song, and what it means to me. I hear, in those lyrics, the real strength that lifted me and led me and loved me through that time in my life. I see the influence that led my best friend and almost sister, Windy, to me, and the hope that led me through the darkest time a child should never have to imagine. I suddenly realize that, through it all, He was there. He held me, and comforted me, and whispered to me. When I cried out to Him, not knowing who or what I was crying to, he answered with simple comfort, with a simple "I Am". I came to Him in my time, which was really His time. I survived my life to date on my strength, which was really His strength. And now, I'm ready to be His, totally and completely. I finally realize just what that means, and as much as it scares me sometimes, it thrills me as well. What else can I do for one like Him? My life is a small thing to give in return for recieving so much. A small price. In His name, Joy
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